Language Magic

My mother-in-law was the epitome of the malaprop user. She was an Italian lady, straight from the old country. She was verbal, loud, animated, and wonderful. She was also the best grandmother my children could ever have had. But, back to her use of language, which was both confusing and delightful. Once she came in and reported a strange phenomenon. According to her, "I saw three twins today. I think they were triplets." Another instance of her confusing word choice occurred when she told me she was a great admirer of Marlo Brandon. I never probed her to learn whether that was Marlon Brando or Marlo Thomas. It didn't matter. After my father-in-law died, "Mama" eventually ended up as our responsibility and moved into our neighborhood. Just after she moved down, I took her over to meet friends of ours who lived nearby and would be good neighbors to her. As we went into the house, the friend's dog, Patsy, came into the room, sniffed at my mother-in-law, sat down on the floor and began to scratch and lick herself. Our hostess was embarrassed as the dog continued to clean her privates while we tried to get acquainted. Finally, the hostess said, "I don't know what's wrong with Patsy. She never scratches like this" to which my mother-in-law replied: "Don't worry. It's only human for dogs to scratch."