Alonely

[If you're experiencing deja vu with this blog, you are right -- it was published on May 31st, Memorial Day. I thought it bore repeating since it's another holiday with the same challenges. Happy Independence Day!]

Being single involves, of necessity, eating alone, watching a movie alone, going to bed alone. I have learned to handle all of those things without being terribly lonely. However, my having overcome loneliness fails the test on holidays, such as Memorial Day. Somehow or other, holidays regain the upper hand, and I become a holiday casualty. I am not only alone on holidays, but I am “alonely.” There’s a big difference between being alone and being alonely. “Alone” is just being separated from others; “alonely” is an emotional low that cannot be easily handled. My dad was a person who didn’t handle being alone well. When my mother died at an early age, he quickly located her replacement so that he wouldn’t be alone. I chose to be married to a lovely lady who was company to me for twenty-three years although she turned out not to be my partner for life. When we divorced, I worried about living my life alone. It has now been over twenty years of living alone, and I have done it rather well. Nevertheless, I can’t help but think of the years ahead as I grow older and wonder how I will care for myself if I become disabled and am still alone. I have enough confidence in myself to think that I’ll be okay most of the time, but those damn holidays are pitfalls I can’t avoid. No more holidays, please, and I’ll be fine. It’s on holidays that I am “alonely”.